How to say "No" to kids

Rabbi Ed Gelb offers these words of wisdom on saying "no": 

Saying – or hearing – no can be valuable because it teaches that we do not always get what we want and that individual desires have to be weighed against other concerns. A thoughtful no can help children be less selfish and see things from other people’s points of view. ...Many of us confuse being told no with not being heard. Young people, whether campers or staff, often think that a no means their viewpoints are not being taken into account. ... It can be hard to understand why a petition is denied, but there is comfort in knowing that your view has been heard.

Of course, saying no should not be a reflexive reaction. I often have to fight the urge to say no to my kids when they ask for something because it requires less thought or effort on my part. By really listening to someone and considering the request, we build trust and confidence in the decision that is reached – whether yes or no.

What is proactive discipline?

Many people think of consequences as synonymous with discipline.  This means that raising children consists mainly of waiting for them to mess up and then reacting.  Proactive discipline is concerned with what leads up  to the behavior.

A job or a relationship?

"Parenting is the most important job you will ever have."

Yes, I suppose it is.  But...  I don't really think of raising my child as going to work, not even to a job that I love.  Not that parenting isn't hard work; it often is.  Still, at its heart, being a parent isn't about the job or the skills or the tactics or the effectiveness.  It's about the relationship.

Then again, relationships can be hard work, too.